The High Cost of Resentment and Anger in Marriage

Many spouses carry heavy suitcases filled with a collection of anger and resentment from their marriage. Periodically, they unpack these suitcases and review every situation in which they feel they were treated unfairly.

"Resentment is an extremely bitter diet, and eventually poisonous. I have no desire to make my own toxins," declares Neil Kinnock. Hanging on to anger and resentment is toxic, and the resulting sludge can slowly poison you.

It's easy to lose your perspective about the bigger picture and to be become obsessed with how things "should" have been and how others "should" have treated you. In your mind, you may visualize yourself zapping the other person with the perfect verbal comeback or having the opportunity to get even in some way. The more you let your mind gallop in this direction, the angrier you get and the more you feel self-righteous and justified in your reaction.

When you become mired in anger, resentment, blame, and revenge, you are only hurting yourself. In the process, you put yourself at risk for experiencing health problems, sleeping difficulties, depression, relationship rifts, and daily agitation. You automatically increase your stress level and decrease your enjoyment of life. And the longer you carry a grudge, the heavier it gets.

Nothing you do to try to find inner peace will be effective when you are filled with anger and resentment. "If we have not peace within ourselves, it is in vain to seek it from outward sources," states Francois de La Rochefoucauld. As long as you hold on to bitter feelings, you are sabotaging yourself by destroying any chance that you can experience peace of mind.

Dr. Wayne Dyer, in "10 Secrets for Success and Inner Peace," states: "It's your ego that demands that the world and all the people in it be as you think they should be." He continues by saying, "It is perhaps the most healing thing that you can do to remove the low energies of resentment and revenge from your life completely." Dr. Dyer compares resentment to venom that continues to circulate in your system long after the snakebite has occurred. He emphasizes that it's not the bite that kills you; it's the venom.

What, then, is the antidote? How can you find peace of mind? How can you handle your feelings of anger and resentment from the experiences in your marriage? How can you create a peaceful marriage now?

The answer lies in letting go of resentment and practicing forgiveness. You can't change what has happened, and you can't control what your spouse chooses to do. But you do have control over the choices you make.

You can choose to cut the emotional bond that is keeping you tied to your anger and resentment. Instead, you can decide to experience the joy of freedom from the heavy burdens you have been carrying around for so long. To get the help you need in letting go of the past, you always have the option of asking a therapist or minister to assist you.

Thomas Fuller observes, "He that cannot forgive others breaks the bridge over which he must pass himself; for every man has need to be forgiven." Without forgiveness, your life becomes an endless cycle of anger, resentment, and retaliation.

You practice forgiveness so that you can stop ruminating about the past and put your energy into the present moment. And you practice forgiveness so that you will be free from the poisonous effects of resentment.

Then, you can experience peace of mind and bring that inner peacefulness into your marriage. You will never have a peaceful marriage until you are at peace within yourself.

Nancy J. Wasson, Ph.D., is co-author of Keep Your Marriage: What to Do When Your Spouse Says "I don't love you anymore!" The e-book is available at http://www.KeepYourMarriage.com , where you can also sign up for the free Keep Your Marriage Internet Magazine. Contact Nancy at Nancy@KeepYourMarriage.com.

SheKnows.com

JCPenney to boycott group: We're sticking with Ellen SheKnows.com The group wants supporters to stop shopping at the store for featuring a same-sex marriage wedding cake decoration in a catalog ad." "In the hopes of making sales, your company has instead offended many customers in the process. and more »

The Christian Institute

Scots opposition leaders sign pledge to redefine marriage The Christian Institute They also cut an “equal marriage” wedding cake – a symbolic gesture which was designed to show their support for rewriting the definition of marriage. The Scottish Government's consultation on redefining marriage closed in December after receiving tens ... and more »

PerezHilton.com

J.Lo Isn't Thinking About Marrying New BF Casper Just Yet!! PerezHilton.com Tags: bride, casper smart, divorce, hearts and fuzzies, jennifer lopez, jlo, love, marc anthony, marriage, wedding So we've heard what Paula Abdul had to say about getting fired, and we heard what Nicole Scherzinger had to say about the ax.

Business Insider

NEWLYWEDS: Renting Could Be The Smartest Move For Your Future Finances Business Insider ... is that it can be as temporary or long-term as you like, especially as your family grows. "There are just some things you don't think about when you're a newlywed with stars in your eyes,'" Bohutinsky said. newlywed - marriage - wedding - couple.

ABC2 News

WA Senate approves bill to legalize same-sex marriage ABC2 News If opponents aren't able to collect enough signatures, same-sex couples would be able to be wed starting in June. Otherwise, they would have to wait until the results of a November election. Marriage Wedding Married hub generic 640x480_20100616142339_JPG. and more »